WWE Wrestlemania XXX Diary Recap Part I
By Phil Bausk
Mandatory Credit: Anthony Gruppuso-USA TODAY Sports
I was going to put a picture of John Cena up here being that he is a Mass. native, but it’s hard to pass up a good picture of Mick Foley in a suit jacket, giving a thumbs up. Last night was Wrestlemania XXX in New Orleans, and though this isn’t directly related to Boston sports, I wanted to out myself as a WWE fan. Sure, it’s something we all watched when we were younger, but for some reason I have come back to it in my old age and have thrown myself into the sea of wrestling podcasts that fill up the iTunes store.
Myself and fellow WWE Analyst Mathias Kook, watched Wrestlemania XXX together. I use the term analyst as loosely as possible. We know very little about wrestling, or the WWE, and we don’t own any WWE merchandise that was made after 1996. EIther way, we “wrestled” (get it) with the idea of following the WWE’s version of the Super Bowl and are going to give it a shot. Keep in mind, these are two sports fans (mainly baseball) watching something that we know is sports entertainment, so if you see that we got caught up in what the outcomes may be, then i guess that means Vince McMahon is doing a good job.
6:45 PM
4 Way Tag-Team Match, The Usos (Champs), The Real Americans, Rybaxel, Los Matadores
Phil Bausk: Total Divas may be on my TV right now instead of the pre-show. Why watch a four-man tag team match when I can watch gorgeous, fit women in their mid- to late twenties in spandex? Why do i care about the storyline? How long until I change the channel (if I change the channel)?
Mathias Kook: Do you think Drew Brees is there? What about Rob Ryan? This match has a lot going on. Cesaro is doing his spin thing, where he spins the opponent in the ring like 15 times. I think they should call it the meat spin…
PB: I love that shtick they have him doing. It could be my favorite thing in society. Oprah should name it one of her “favorite things.”
MK: This Zeb Colter thing has gone on for a long time. It’s kind of amazing they still allow a blatantly racist guy on TV, even as a character. His mustache is getting his own Wrestlemania moment.
The Usos hang on to retain their belts, and afterwards Cesaro decked Jack Swagger, most likely ending the Real Americans tag team.
7:03 PM
Hulk Hogan enters the ring as the host of Wrestlemania XXX, soon to be joined by “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
MK: Do you think Hogan ever things to himself, “I am 60 years old, I should not be wearing a boa.” And he just called the Superdome the Silverdome…
PB: At 60, Hogan is lucky to be alive, and be functioning…Austin 3:16!
MK: Where is The Rock? Oh right, counting his millions…
PB: What’s the over/under on lost children at this event? 115?
MK: If Rob Ryan is there and he hasn’t eaten…over…The Rock! Hercules himself!
PB: All three legends in the ring right now. Finally, The Rock, has come back, to New Orleans!
MK: I hope he says that every where he goes…Finally, The Rock, has come back, to the garage!
PB: Well that segment was nice…we are at roughly 30 minutes, and no wrestling at Wrestlemania (pre-show doesn’t count).
7:37 PM
Triple H faces off against Daniel Bryan, with the winner entering the night’s main event with Randy Orton and Bautista for the championship belts.
PB: Great promo before the match. Daniel Bryan has to win this, there’s no way he doesn’t.
MK: They are insulting Bryan by saying he is a B-plus performer. I would be very happy with a B-plus life. It doesn’t seem that insulting to be called B-plus in anything.
PB: Couldn’t agree more. At life right now I’m at about a D. Proof is right now I am in my studio apartment in Sacramento doing the Yes! chant, alone…
MK: Triple H entrance…he looks like Shredder. What the heck is happening?!?!? Do you think he feels dumb wearing this?
PB: The guy singing his entrance music sounds like that drunk guy in the west village you try to avoid talking to at 3 AM…Look at that Yes! chant.
MK: They definitely don’t broadcast anything from the spanish announcer’s table. It is just there to be destroyed…They are obviously hurting Bryan for later in the night so he can lose the last match because of the injury.
MK: That was an insane clothesline…like Elway in the Super Bowl. What if they just kill Daniel Bryan?
PB: All downhill from there…kind of hard to keep that up every segment…but would be worth the $60 buy in.
Daniel Bryan defeats Triple H via the Running Knee to get to the main event. Obviously, he is “injured” and will not be at 100% for the final match.
PB: This match was pretty good…Yes! Yes! Yes! Best chant to do in sports history.
Check back later today for Part II of the Wrestlemania XXX Diary Recap…